Blowing in the wind

Behind my house stands a beautiful tree....a full-grown willow.  It's flowing branches are the first to show new growth in spring and the last to lose leaves in fall.  I love this tree. 

Simply looking at the willow relaxes me.  I sit on my deck and watch the gentle breezes lift its slender branches almost like a caress and then oh-so-softly settle them back into place.   This past spring and summer I saw almost every morning, a cardinal perched high in the willow, singing his lovely cardinal song, welcoming the day.  My spirits lifted with the willow branches as I listened, peace filling my heart.

I wish we were all like this majestic tree, allowing the trials and tribulations of life to buffet us as they please with balmy breezes or hurricane-force winds, bending but never breaking, stretching our arms wide and welcoming all living creatures into our embrace.  Too many of us are maples, oaks and poplars....standing straight, tall and inflexible, seemingly strong but when hit by a storm, breaking, shattering, even pulling up roots and dying.  The delicate willow remains unfazed, living on and thriving.

The willow tree is sleeping now.  It's leafless branches stirring in the winter winds.  The cardinal still comes to sit in its lofty top and sing a winter song.  I suspect the willow is smiling in its sleep...a part of it listening to the red bird but dreaming, too, of a day a few months from now when it will stir and shake and welcome spring with new, delicate growth.

The cardinal will be waiting.  So will I.

Understanding is a tremendous gift...

I've been on a spiritual journey for quite some time...learning about the connectedness of all living things, where I fit in and how God's way--the law of love--is the right way.  It's about giving up control...letting spiritual guidance lead the way, and leaving behind what doesn't...what can't...work. 

Tunneling deep inside to the essence of me...knowing self...is key to understanding.  Who am I? What am I? What is my purpose?  Ah....the eternal questions we all ask.  Look closely...very closely...at your life.  Do you hold onto negativity and pessimism?  Do you judge others and yourself?  Do you love yourself?  Yes....do you LOVE yourself.  In spite of all the flaws you think you have, you are a wonderful soul....divine in every way.   And you are loved....deeply loved.  Your divine family--angels, guides, loved ones on the other side and God--love you unconditionally.  Are you able to do that too?  Can you move past the limitations and expectations you and others put in place and embrace the truth?  Can you break the shackles of anger, guilt, blame and worry and set yourself free to really and truly love?  It's not easy.  It takes real introspection...real honesty with yourself.

Holding onto that emotional garbage is self-destructive and affects every area of your life--from health to relationships.  Dump it.  Take a chance that life can be better....even joyous.  When you open the door of your soul to the truth that love is the only governing force in the universe...the only thing that matters....life starts to 'click' into place.  It's as if you fall in love with everyone....you begin to see that the journey we are all on is necessary and amazing.  We will all arrive at our destination eventually....total alignment with the creative forces...with God.  

The path is tough as new challenges are always placed in front of us, so take baby steps and be kind to yourself.  One day you will wake up (after sleeping VERY well) with a new-found optimism....a sense of wonder....even joyous expectation.  WOW.  You get it....unconditional love for life...for all.  Now the universe rewards you.....you deserve it. :)

Namaste....




 

Time for a cool change

No....I'm not referring to the weather outside but the weather inside US.  The word 'change' instills fear in many, myself included.  When we come to a crossroads in our lives, a time when important decisions must be made, we have two choices:  forge ahead and hope for the best, or plant our feet and remain where we are.  The former takes courage, the latter, fear.  

It's never easy to accept change is necessary or to implement it.  Far, far easier to maintain the status quo and ignore the situation demanding attention even when it's screaming in your ear.  It's downright scary to venture into new and uncharted waters, to take that leap of faith.  Finding a new career, embracing a new relationship, letting go of the past or daring to think differently are all things to be embraced or things to be feared.

Change is important.  Change is GROWTH.   It's a self-learning experience, a way to look inside ourselves and see what we're really made of...to find out how much we can really accomplish...to see just what strength we possess.  Believe me, we are stronger than we think and able to accomplish more than we know. 

If you're contemplating a change in your life and feeling the nervous knots that such thoughts plant in your stomach--the fear of the unknown-- take a deep breath, hold your nose and jump in anyway.  Don't worry...you've got a life preserver--your divine family is holding you afloat.  You won't sink.  They've got you, you're going to be fine.  And what's more....you're going to THRIVE.

Namaste.

Fade to orange....

As the October blitz of breast cancer awareness winds down, I'm both glad to see the" pinking of America" fade into the background of more season-appropriate colors, but sad that the attention breast cancer deserves year-round is so quickly replaced by holiday madness.    Those women, men and families undergoing treatments, recovering from treatments or just finding out that they have breast cancer must continue to face the challenges while everyone else leaves it all behind.   Breast cancer doesn't go away for survivors and their families.  It's a constant presence in spite of calendar dates, seasons and holidays...a never-ending quest to heal the body, the mind and the spirit of everyone it touches.  

Let's not forget those among us who can't step out of awareness on November 1.  Their welfare, and the welfare of all people touched by cancer should be of paramount importance all the time, 365 days a year.  So if you know a family stricken with a cancer diagnosis, do something special for them.  Make dinner, babysit, walk their dog, take care of the laundry, send flowers or simply call and say "I'm thinking about you."  Such simple things...but isn't it always the simple things that seem to say the most?  

Namaste.

You are master and captain...

On the Today Show this morning, Drs. Nancy Snyderman and Susan Love discussed newest advances in breast cancer treatment and research.  Dr. Snyderman espoused looking at and treating breast cancer as a chronic disease...one managed over a lifetime...while Dr. Love is more focused on finding the cause...a virus being one possible explanation....and finding the cure.  While I'm all for finding cause and cure, I don't think they're looking far enough. 

We need to look backward...far in the past...to what really triggered breast cancer.  Therein lies the cause and the cure.  The traumas we experienced as children, when not properly addressed, can wreak havoc on our health and lives.  Those stressful negative energies/emotions turn inward, can change cell structure and may even "turn on"a genetic predisposition for cancer.  We all know that stress can make us sick.  How many of us get colds, flus and general aches n' pains when we're under a lot of stress at home, work or in our relationships?  Is it so hard to believe that significant childhood trauma can do the same or even worse?

Mind IS the builder.  It can heal or it can hurt.  We must take control of the wheel and steer ourselves into more positive directions if we are to eradicate breast cancer. 

"Invictus" by William Ernest Henley


Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;

I am the captain of my soul.

We are one with all living things

This past weekend I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival in Crownsville, MD.  It was a beautiful day...temp in the upper 60's, sunny with a cool breeze.  Perfect.  At least until I went to see the elephant ride exhibit.  There, in a small corral, I saw two female elephants--"Essex" and "Sussex," aged 55 and 35 respectively.  These poor animals, old and weary-looking, were forced to give rides to people, repeatedly moving in a tight, counter-clockwise circle, prodded by a metal bullhook for over eight mind-numbing hours. It was pathetic and depressing.

As an animal advocate I deplore the use of wild animals for peoples' entertainment.  What's so entertaining about seeing such majestic creatures forced to perform?  These huge, intelligent beasts are often plucked from the wild while still babies under their mothers' care, sold to circuses and forced to perform tricks and routines that are anything but normal elephant behavior.  They spend the rest of their lives chained and confined, wedged into tight railroad boxcars or trucks, treated like nothing more than a commodity, and are often given sub-standard veterinary care, if at all.  TB, foot rot and PTSD are  huge problems for captive elephants.  Yes, they suffer, and when one of them goes rogue, well the consensus is, it must just be a bad elephant.  Does anybody ever consider that anger, trauma and depression have taken their toll?  When will people learn?  When will they appreciate the natural beauty of the world they inhabit, and respect all of life?  When will they become proper stewards??

All living things are connected...ALL.  Every single one of us is connected to the other, and that includes the animals.  They, too, have spirits and are loved just as dearly by their creator as we are.   What affects one of us affects ALL of us.  Good or bad, kind or cruel.   I wonder what it will take to open the eyes of those who believe that somehow we're smarter than the animals, that we have a right to exploit other creatures for our own purposes.  For anyone who believes that, I ask you this:  if you can name another creature on this planet that chooses to abuse another species for their own selfish gains do let me know...I have a bridge to sell you.

God bless Essex and Sussex...

Women, speak up!!

We women have got to speak up for ourselves.  For far too long we've been in the backseat of life, letting others drive us where they want us to go.  Past generations of men AND women have indoctrinated us with their expectations of of what makes a 'good woman.'  A good woman is loving and supportive, she does everything possible to make things easier for others,  she's always available to help, she's the perfect mother, wife and career woman, and she lets her husband take charge and call the shots.  A good friend of mine calls it the "after all" disease, as in "after all, men are smarter and do know what's best," or "after all, it's what women do," or "after all, that's what expected of me."  The problem is, this disease of thought often morphs into another far more serious....like breast cancer.

I'm guilty.  For far too long I put myself dead last...typical not only of  firstborns like me but women in general.  Spouse and children first...then job if applicable, home, extended family, neighbors, church, etc etc.   That's how I grew up....like all of us did.  Some of us have been able to break out of that physically and mentally destructive mold, but for far too many, we've remained stuck.   It MUST stop because  the stress of that kind of thinking turns inward.  It makes us sick, depressed and incredibly tired.  It kills. 

I made a conscious decision to CHANGE and take charge of my life.  It took time, and it was scary as it involved taking risks....taking chances that just might not work out the way you hope.  But it's imperative to live a healthy life and make those changes.  The old way of thinking sure as heck didn't serve us well.  We're exhausted, and just look at the cancer rates.  I cringe every time.

Ladies, love yourself.  Look in the mirror each morning and start the day with a "Hello, beautiful!"   Do something wonderful just for you....join the Y, take that class you've always been interested in, journal, LAUGH,  start a new job, and above all, know self.  You must learn to love yourself before you can truly love others.  Be the best YOU you can be, and you'll find that everything else begins to fall into place.  Life 'clicks' and stress begins to wain or even fall away entirely.  It doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen.  Slowly but surely you begin to morph into that amazing butterfly cocooned within and know what else?  Joy follows. :)

Namaste.

On Death and Dying

My brother-in-law, Art, passed away very suddenly this past week.  He was only 56 years old.  A tragedy for my sister, her daughter and the rest of the family.  It's difficult to get your head around a shock like this...the whys and what ifs can drive you insane.  But in the midst of deep pain there is always a greater force...a spiritual knowledge...that guides and calms me, that lets me see the bigger picture.  

Art was a great guy.  His smile could light up the room and he had friends too numerous to count.  They've been absolute angels on earth...rallying around my sister, offering comfort and compassion and whatever help she needs.  I'm in awe.  

Death is not an end.  We are eternal, spiritual beings.  We come here to learn how to love each other unconditionally without judgment.  That's no easy task and it takes several lifetimes to attain.   Our loved ones on the other side are always with us....guiding, interacting and infusing us with their love and strength.  They are closer than ever before, understanding the "big picture."   When earthly fears threaten to overwhelm me I ask for their help...and it comes.  On little cat feet.  Soothing, quiet stillness.  Listen with your heart.  Open it to the only truth that really exists.  Love is enduring.  It is forever.  

God bless you, Art.  Rock on....:)

Men, we done did you wrong

I've been doing quite a bit of reading on men/women relationships and how our first-family dynamics pretty much dictated the problems we'd experience later in those relationships.   The pressure on men and women to conform to society's expectations of gender roles is no less now than it was 50 years ago despite Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem and others.   No, this isn't a battle cry for feminism or a condemnation of men.  It's a when-the-hell-are-we-going-to-wake-up-and-realize-that-both-men-and-women-have-been-held-hostage-by-past-generations cry.

I have three sons.  Great guys.  Kind,  funny and decent.  But emotional? Nope.  Men don't do that.  Our fathers and our fathers' fathers laid down the  man code generations ago.  Men DO NOT show vulnerability.  That's for women.  Men DO become workaholics, get an expensive car or buy a big house.  That's how men judge each other...the criteria for a 'real man.'   Things.   Men DO show aggressiveness, not weakness.  Emotions are weak.   

What really stinks is that past generations of women went along with this.   Mothers raised sons according to that code because it was expected, and any woman who didn't was a troublemaker...odd...and her son was labeled a "mama's boy,"  prelude to a weak man.   

Men, we all done did you wrong. 

Because of those warped expectations, many men struggle in their relationships with women, children and extended family.    Everyone has emotions....everyone.   But when men have been conditioned since childhood to repress those emotions and buck up, not only do they carry that bad mojo into other relationships, they actually begin to lose touch with their feelings and that is a tragedy.  What remains is half a man.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I want my sons to be whole.

Relationships like marriage thrive when both partners are able to be strong AND vulnerable with one another.  That builds trust.  We all have vulnerabilities.  Men need to be comfortable with them and women need to accept them.  Period.   Success in life doesn't revolve around things.  It revolves around people, and when we don't place the proper emphasis on intimate relationships we all suffer.    The rich man doesn't necessarily have a big house, muscle car and power job.  The real rich man has healthy, respectful, loving relationships....the mean and potatoes of life.  That other stuff?  It's just gravy. :)

Breast cancer aggressiveness associated with stress

A new study by the American Association for Cancer Research has found that high levels of psychosocial stress--particularly among black and Hispanic breast cancer patients--are linked with aggressive forms of breast cancer.  These patients tended to have more aggressive tumors but the association isn't entirely clear.  Whether the stress levels of these women affected tumor aggressiveness or being diagnosed with an aggressive cancer caused their stress levels to rise hasn't been determined.  Both instances may be significant.
http://aacrnews.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/association-found-between-stress-and-breast-cancer-aggressiveness/

University of Toronto Study

A study by the University of Toronto's Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work and Dept. of Family and Community Medicine shows that people subjected to childhood physical abuse have higher odds of developing cancer in adulthood than those who have not been abused.  This 2009 controlled study showed a strong correlation despite confounding factors of childhood stress, socioeconomic status in adulthood and adverse adult health behaviors i.e. smoking, alcohol consumption and lack of physical exercise. 

One possible explanation may be a dysfunction in cortisol production.  Cortisol--aka the "fight or flight" hormone--is produced in the body's adrenal glands as a natural reaction to stress.  Prolonged childhood exposure to this hormone may contribute to the suppression of the immune system and the body's subsequent inability to fight disease. 

I live in a "Zits" cartoon

Being the parent of three young men--two post-puberty and one in the midst thereof--is never dull.  Or cheap.  These guys are reincarnated horses.  Open the refrigerator door and inhale.  Repeat until said fridge is empty.  That usually takes about a day.  Ditto for the pantry.  I've worn a groove in the road to the grocery store and am on a first name basis with most of the cashiers.  The guys at the deli counter laugh when they see me.  "What?" they ask, "Only three pounds of ham this time?"  I sigh and slowly wheel my wagon train to the checkout.  Unloading takes awhile.  "You MUST have kids," the lady behind me comments.  "No," I reply whilst rubbing my aching arms, "I have Clydesdales."  Cue weird look.

My guys do help me unload the family truckster....eagerly.   "Where's the Skittles?!" roars my youngest as he dives into one bag after another.  He has to fight off the other two looking for their own buried treasure.  I sigh as I watch the carnage and vow for the upteenth time to buy a horse trough and just dump the load of groceries...bags n' all...inside.   Then I smile.  These guys are big....and Budweiser just might be interested. 

"We are what we think.  All that we are arises with our thought.  With our thoughts we make our world."  Buddha

And with our thoughts, we CAN change it. :)

Fall colors

I know there are many who will disagree with me, but I sure miss my russet-colored October.  It's pink now, and while I'm all for breast cancer awareness, too much of a good thing is, well, too much.   Pink clothing, pink M&M's, pink ribbons, pink this and pink that.  I've even seen pink gardening tools.  Egads.  Don't know about the rest of you, but I "pink" I've had enough. 

Raising money and awareness are noble and necessary endeavors, but can I please, please see a wee bit less of spring hues and more of fall? The minute I see a pink jack-o-lantern I'm running for the hills...the russet-colored hills. :)

Making a link between child abuse and cancer

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I will be providing links to articles that discuss the possible correlation between childhood abuse and adult-onset cancer.  Here is the first:
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cncr.24372/pdf 

Forgiving the person who hurt us the most is a difficult--sometimes impossible--thing to do.  If you find yourself unable to forgive, first forgive yourself...then turn it over to God.   He will take care of it for you, and you can relax and find peace. :)

From Edgar Cayce:

"Be patient, all. For all will pass through, in material experience, the greatest bounty of all. When ye fail here or there, ye must learn thy lessons. Humility, patience, faith. These make for the proper relationships, of the MIND; that is the builder for the Body, for the Soul."  262-9

I have heard both publicly and privately from a few people who strongly believe that my idea of a connection between childhood abuse and breast cancer is completely wrong.   They argue that there is no medical proof or studies to suggest such a link (not true, and I will post some of these later), and that I am placing the "blame" for getting cancer on the victim.   Exploring the mind/body connection through other avenues (i.e. Edgar Cayce, Deepak Chopra, Louise Hay etc.) has elicited strong, negative reactions.   That's ok with me.  I respect these opinions but would like to suggest that maybe intellectual or scientific reasoning does not hold all the answers.  

Our opinions and experiences are generally shaped by our five senses...what we see, hear, feel, taste or touch.   We also place high regard on those experts who do the same--those scientists and researchers who base their conclusions in materiality.  But my question is this: why do we limit ourselves to those five senses when we have another based in spiritual reasoning?  We are spiritual beings...pure energy...and most of us completely ignore or deride that aspect of ourselves.   Some will argue that what cannot be seen, heard or felt can therefore not exist, and that what psychics and intuitives experience is baloney.   Are we so afraid to consider another possiblity...so entrenched in our material lives--that anyone who suggests there is something more is automatically wrong?  

I suppose that if the door to one's mind is firmly closed, nothing I or anyone else says can open it.   But for those of you willing to consider that we are more than just biological creatures surviving only by good luck and coincidence, I invite you to open that door just a crack, and take a peek at what's on the other side.  You may be shocked, surprised or even fascinated by what you begin to experience, because when the door begins to open?  God walks in. :)

I am reading "The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships" by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.  This is a wonderfully insightful book written in plain, easy to understand language.  It addresses anger...something we all feel but don't always use in a constructive way. 

Women have been indoctrinated since birth to hold in anger.  It isn't feminine or lady-like to show it.  Those who do are labeled bitches, hags, shrews or worse.  Men are uncomfortable with angry women...many will even say we are irrational or unbalanced.   It's ok for them to get angry, but us...not so much.  The thing is, we all feel anger in our relationships, but we don't always understand what's behind it...or how to use it correctly to address a problem before it becomes a crisis.  This book shows you how.

I was absolutely amazed to see myself in the stories and advice offered here....wow.  My relationships have suffered significantly from "the dance"....well....I have chosen to stop dancing to this tune....maybe I'll try salsa instead...:)

BTW....this book is great for men too...:)

Don't be a hostage to the past...just let it go and make a conscious choice to be  happy. :)

A tough topic

Knowing how the topics of child abuse and cancer are difficult for many to think about let alone talk about,  I'm pretty certain that few people are comfortable reading my blog.  Even fewer will be at ease with posting a response.  That's ok.   I expect that.  My own family is probably uneasy, but rest assured that even though I'm bringing this "out of the closet,"  there are some things that won't be shared here out of respect for those I love.  

I was thinking about how many people don't like to get involved when they know or suspect that something isn't quite right with another person.  Whether it's abuse or cancer, it's far easier to turn away or pretend you don't see.  "It's not my business" is often cited as the reason.  Sticking one's neck out on behalf of another is hard to do...you're taking a risk of course, but isn't the welfare of another human being worth it?  

Most folks would say that we're all individual...separate and apart from everyone else.   I don't believe so.   All life--human, plant and animal--is connected.   What affects one affects all.  A collective energy binds us together, so when one of us is sick or depressed or abused, the rest--unknowingly--feel it too.   The same thing happens with kindness, compassion and love.   It spreads like ripples on a pond.   It's up to us whether or not we're sending out positive energy or negative energy.    I'll pick the alliance over the dark side every time. :)

9/11

Remembering on the tenth anniversary all of the souls who perished on this day, their friends and families.  God bless you all.

It was the best of times....not

I was born in 1960, the first child in my family.  Marcie followed a year later, and two more sisters arrived in quick succession.  Four girls in four years.  My only brother (you have to pity the poor guy...lol) came along after that, rounding out our Catholic clan.   My mother had five kids by the time she was 26.   I can't even imagine what that was like for her.   No wonder she rebelled and started taking birth control.   I didn't even have my first until I was 28 and waited a few years before having my second.   I may have kept my ears closed to my mother's advice at times but certainly had my eyes open to her example.

Life for us kids was....difficult.  That's putting it nicely.    The one thing about my childhood that has stayed with me even until now is this....the FEAR.  I was afraid...always afraid.   Afraid of my parents....my mother's anger and my father's sexual abuse.   Afraid for my younger siblings...how to protect them?  Afraid of bringing home a bad grade, afraid of disappointing my mother,  afraid of being noticed (not seen and not heard was best),  afraid of the nuns at my school (got slapped across the face on my very first day there for crying, and I won't even talk about the piano-teaching nun from hell.  Until a few years ago the smell of coffee brewing--prevalent in the convent-- caused a visceral reaction in me: gut-wrenching anxiety), afraid of not doing my chores correctly...afraid, afraid, afraid.   The kind of fear that makes you hide behind your bedroom door for hours on end or stay outdoors all day long because of what...or who...waits inside.   That was my world...and Marcie's...and the rest of my siblings.   It was not a wonderful life......

Hello and welcome

As a 12-year survivor of breast cancer who was negative for all known risk factors, I have often wondered why both my younger sister, Marcie, and I were stricken with breast cancer in our thirties.  I now believe that our history of childhood abuse was the trigger that initiated biological changes in our bodies. 

Seventy-five percent of all breast cancer cases are attributed to unknown causes.  Surprisingly, a poll I've conducted on an online breast cancer forum shows a striking correlation between early childhood abuse/trauma and the later development of breast cancer. 

I believe strongly in the mind/body connection.  Few medical experts dispute its existence.  In fact, I have discovered some medical studies researching the possible link between child abuse and breast cancer.  My book will explore these studies and the holistic approach to mind/body theory.  I will also relate survivors' stories--firsthand accounts from women around the world.

The current rate of breast cancer in women is one in eight.  By investigating this topic and shedding light on the ability of the human mind to improve one's health, I hope to lessen those odds and bring comfort to other victims of abuse by empowering them with the knowledge they need to change their lives.