Fade to orange....

As the October blitz of breast cancer awareness winds down, I'm both glad to see the" pinking of America" fade into the background of more season-appropriate colors, but sad that the attention breast cancer deserves year-round is so quickly replaced by holiday madness.    Those women, men and families undergoing treatments, recovering from treatments or just finding out that they have breast cancer must continue to face the challenges while everyone else leaves it all behind.   Breast cancer doesn't go away for survivors and their families.  It's a constant presence in spite of calendar dates, seasons and holidays...a never-ending quest to heal the body, the mind and the spirit of everyone it touches.  

Let's not forget those among us who can't step out of awareness on November 1.  Their welfare, and the welfare of all people touched by cancer should be of paramount importance all the time, 365 days a year.  So if you know a family stricken with a cancer diagnosis, do something special for them.  Make dinner, babysit, walk their dog, take care of the laundry, send flowers or simply call and say "I'm thinking about you."  Such simple things...but isn't it always the simple things that seem to say the most?  

Namaste.

You are master and captain...

On the Today Show this morning, Drs. Nancy Snyderman and Susan Love discussed newest advances in breast cancer treatment and research.  Dr. Snyderman espoused looking at and treating breast cancer as a chronic disease...one managed over a lifetime...while Dr. Love is more focused on finding the cause...a virus being one possible explanation....and finding the cure.  While I'm all for finding cause and cure, I don't think they're looking far enough. 

We need to look backward...far in the past...to what really triggered breast cancer.  Therein lies the cause and the cure.  The traumas we experienced as children, when not properly addressed, can wreak havoc on our health and lives.  Those stressful negative energies/emotions turn inward, can change cell structure and may even "turn on"a genetic predisposition for cancer.  We all know that stress can make us sick.  How many of us get colds, flus and general aches n' pains when we're under a lot of stress at home, work or in our relationships?  Is it so hard to believe that significant childhood trauma can do the same or even worse?

Mind IS the builder.  It can heal or it can hurt.  We must take control of the wheel and steer ourselves into more positive directions if we are to eradicate breast cancer. 

"Invictus" by William Ernest Henley


Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;

I am the captain of my soul.

We are one with all living things

This past weekend I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival in Crownsville, MD.  It was a beautiful day...temp in the upper 60's, sunny with a cool breeze.  Perfect.  At least until I went to see the elephant ride exhibit.  There, in a small corral, I saw two female elephants--"Essex" and "Sussex," aged 55 and 35 respectively.  These poor animals, old and weary-looking, were forced to give rides to people, repeatedly moving in a tight, counter-clockwise circle, prodded by a metal bullhook for over eight mind-numbing hours. It was pathetic and depressing.

As an animal advocate I deplore the use of wild animals for peoples' entertainment.  What's so entertaining about seeing such majestic creatures forced to perform?  These huge, intelligent beasts are often plucked from the wild while still babies under their mothers' care, sold to circuses and forced to perform tricks and routines that are anything but normal elephant behavior.  They spend the rest of their lives chained and confined, wedged into tight railroad boxcars or trucks, treated like nothing more than a commodity, and are often given sub-standard veterinary care, if at all.  TB, foot rot and PTSD are  huge problems for captive elephants.  Yes, they suffer, and when one of them goes rogue, well the consensus is, it must just be a bad elephant.  Does anybody ever consider that anger, trauma and depression have taken their toll?  When will people learn?  When will they appreciate the natural beauty of the world they inhabit, and respect all of life?  When will they become proper stewards??

All living things are connected...ALL.  Every single one of us is connected to the other, and that includes the animals.  They, too, have spirits and are loved just as dearly by their creator as we are.   What affects one of us affects ALL of us.  Good or bad, kind or cruel.   I wonder what it will take to open the eyes of those who believe that somehow we're smarter than the animals, that we have a right to exploit other creatures for our own purposes.  For anyone who believes that, I ask you this:  if you can name another creature on this planet that chooses to abuse another species for their own selfish gains do let me know...I have a bridge to sell you.

God bless Essex and Sussex...

Women, speak up!!

We women have got to speak up for ourselves.  For far too long we've been in the backseat of life, letting others drive us where they want us to go.  Past generations of men AND women have indoctrinated us with their expectations of of what makes a 'good woman.'  A good woman is loving and supportive, she does everything possible to make things easier for others,  she's always available to help, she's the perfect mother, wife and career woman, and she lets her husband take charge and call the shots.  A good friend of mine calls it the "after all" disease, as in "after all, men are smarter and do know what's best," or "after all, it's what women do," or "after all, that's what expected of me."  The problem is, this disease of thought often morphs into another far more serious....like breast cancer.

I'm guilty.  For far too long I put myself dead last...typical not only of  firstborns like me but women in general.  Spouse and children first...then job if applicable, home, extended family, neighbors, church, etc etc.   That's how I grew up....like all of us did.  Some of us have been able to break out of that physically and mentally destructive mold, but for far too many, we've remained stuck.   It MUST stop because  the stress of that kind of thinking turns inward.  It makes us sick, depressed and incredibly tired.  It kills. 

I made a conscious decision to CHANGE and take charge of my life.  It took time, and it was scary as it involved taking risks....taking chances that just might not work out the way you hope.  But it's imperative to live a healthy life and make those changes.  The old way of thinking sure as heck didn't serve us well.  We're exhausted, and just look at the cancer rates.  I cringe every time.

Ladies, love yourself.  Look in the mirror each morning and start the day with a "Hello, beautiful!"   Do something wonderful just for you....join the Y, take that class you've always been interested in, journal, LAUGH,  start a new job, and above all, know self.  You must learn to love yourself before you can truly love others.  Be the best YOU you can be, and you'll find that everything else begins to fall into place.  Life 'clicks' and stress begins to wain or even fall away entirely.  It doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen.  Slowly but surely you begin to morph into that amazing butterfly cocooned within and know what else?  Joy follows. :)

Namaste.

On Death and Dying

My brother-in-law, Art, passed away very suddenly this past week.  He was only 56 years old.  A tragedy for my sister, her daughter and the rest of the family.  It's difficult to get your head around a shock like this...the whys and what ifs can drive you insane.  But in the midst of deep pain there is always a greater force...a spiritual knowledge...that guides and calms me, that lets me see the bigger picture.  

Art was a great guy.  His smile could light up the room and he had friends too numerous to count.  They've been absolute angels on earth...rallying around my sister, offering comfort and compassion and whatever help she needs.  I'm in awe.  

Death is not an end.  We are eternal, spiritual beings.  We come here to learn how to love each other unconditionally without judgment.  That's no easy task and it takes several lifetimes to attain.   Our loved ones on the other side are always with us....guiding, interacting and infusing us with their love and strength.  They are closer than ever before, understanding the "big picture."   When earthly fears threaten to overwhelm me I ask for their help...and it comes.  On little cat feet.  Soothing, quiet stillness.  Listen with your heart.  Open it to the only truth that really exists.  Love is enduring.  It is forever.  

God bless you, Art.  Rock on....:)

Men, we done did you wrong

I've been doing quite a bit of reading on men/women relationships and how our first-family dynamics pretty much dictated the problems we'd experience later in those relationships.   The pressure on men and women to conform to society's expectations of gender roles is no less now than it was 50 years ago despite Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem and others.   No, this isn't a battle cry for feminism or a condemnation of men.  It's a when-the-hell-are-we-going-to-wake-up-and-realize-that-both-men-and-women-have-been-held-hostage-by-past-generations cry.

I have three sons.  Great guys.  Kind,  funny and decent.  But emotional? Nope.  Men don't do that.  Our fathers and our fathers' fathers laid down the  man code generations ago.  Men DO NOT show vulnerability.  That's for women.  Men DO become workaholics, get an expensive car or buy a big house.  That's how men judge each other...the criteria for a 'real man.'   Things.   Men DO show aggressiveness, not weakness.  Emotions are weak.   

What really stinks is that past generations of women went along with this.   Mothers raised sons according to that code because it was expected, and any woman who didn't was a troublemaker...odd...and her son was labeled a "mama's boy,"  prelude to a weak man.   

Men, we all done did you wrong. 

Because of those warped expectations, many men struggle in their relationships with women, children and extended family.    Everyone has emotions....everyone.   But when men have been conditioned since childhood to repress those emotions and buck up, not only do they carry that bad mojo into other relationships, they actually begin to lose touch with their feelings and that is a tragedy.  What remains is half a man.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I want my sons to be whole.

Relationships like marriage thrive when both partners are able to be strong AND vulnerable with one another.  That builds trust.  We all have vulnerabilities.  Men need to be comfortable with them and women need to accept them.  Period.   Success in life doesn't revolve around things.  It revolves around people, and when we don't place the proper emphasis on intimate relationships we all suffer.    The rich man doesn't necessarily have a big house, muscle car and power job.  The real rich man has healthy, respectful, loving relationships....the mean and potatoes of life.  That other stuff?  It's just gravy. :)

Breast cancer aggressiveness associated with stress

A new study by the American Association for Cancer Research has found that high levels of psychosocial stress--particularly among black and Hispanic breast cancer patients--are linked with aggressive forms of breast cancer.  These patients tended to have more aggressive tumors but the association isn't entirely clear.  Whether the stress levels of these women affected tumor aggressiveness or being diagnosed with an aggressive cancer caused their stress levels to rise hasn't been determined.  Both instances may be significant.
http://aacrnews.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/association-found-between-stress-and-breast-cancer-aggressiveness/