Men, we done did you wrong

I've been doing quite a bit of reading on men/women relationships and how our first-family dynamics pretty much dictated the problems we'd experience later in those relationships.   The pressure on men and women to conform to society's expectations of gender roles is no less now than it was 50 years ago despite Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem and others.   No, this isn't a battle cry for feminism or a condemnation of men.  It's a when-the-hell-are-we-going-to-wake-up-and-realize-that-both-men-and-women-have-been-held-hostage-by-past-generations cry.

I have three sons.  Great guys.  Kind,  funny and decent.  But emotional? Nope.  Men don't do that.  Our fathers and our fathers' fathers laid down the  man code generations ago.  Men DO NOT show vulnerability.  That's for women.  Men DO become workaholics, get an expensive car or buy a big house.  That's how men judge each other...the criteria for a 'real man.'   Things.   Men DO show aggressiveness, not weakness.  Emotions are weak.   

What really stinks is that past generations of women went along with this.   Mothers raised sons according to that code because it was expected, and any woman who didn't was a troublemaker...odd...and her son was labeled a "mama's boy,"  prelude to a weak man.   

Men, we all done did you wrong. 

Because of those warped expectations, many men struggle in their relationships with women, children and extended family.    Everyone has emotions....everyone.   But when men have been conditioned since childhood to repress those emotions and buck up, not only do they carry that bad mojo into other relationships, they actually begin to lose touch with their feelings and that is a tragedy.  What remains is half a man.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I want my sons to be whole.

Relationships like marriage thrive when both partners are able to be strong AND vulnerable with one another.  That builds trust.  We all have vulnerabilities.  Men need to be comfortable with them and women need to accept them.  Period.   Success in life doesn't revolve around things.  It revolves around people, and when we don't place the proper emphasis on intimate relationships we all suffer.    The rich man doesn't necessarily have a big house, muscle car and power job.  The real rich man has healthy, respectful, loving relationships....the mean and potatoes of life.  That other stuff?  It's just gravy. :)